It should have been a no-brainer. A Greek myth about a hero being called upon to battle the gods while also fighting with various creatures is a concept begging to be made in to an amazing movie. “Clash of the Titans” is the Harryhausen movie that fans continue to love but also secretly wanted to see remade… only for a curiosity. We wanted to know what it would look like, but we didn’t want it to happen. And then we were given the bright idea by Warner to not only remake the Harryhausen opus but turn it in to a franchise.
Spring Break Massacre (2008)
I’m not sure what the point of watching a horror movie is if we know everyone dies beforehand. Writers Hoffman and Jones take the unfortunate road of meeting us at the end with Reggie Bannister’s sheriff protagonist at the crime scene of said Spring Break Massacre explaining how every character dies. Meanwhile the story is told in completely disjointed formats and confusing shots that really left me in the dust. Why is this so high concept if it purports to be a slasher throwback? Why exactly is it called Spring Break Massacre if the majority of the story occurs during a slumber party?
Paris by Night of the Living Dead (2009)
I’m honestly still not sure what to even make of this short zombie film even hours after seeing it. It’s ridiculous, ultimately pointless, and just loud, but… it’s also creepy, brilliantly directed, and the zombie effects are some of the best I’ve seen in a while. “Paris by Night of the Living Dead” is a pretty straight forward zombie short film that doesn’t pretend it’s anything other than an excuse to show zombies being massacred, mutilated and blown up in about as much excessive ways as humanly possible. It’s just fast paced and insanely absurd, but I couldn’t stop watching it.
Red Skelton Whistling Collection (Whistling in the Dark / Whistling in Dixie / Whistling in Brooklyn) (1941) (DVD)
The Warner Archives have brought movie buffs of all kinds together to bear witness to the immortal Red Skelton and his “Whistling” trilogy, the 1941 comedy series that brought Skelton together with co-stars like Eve Arden and Virginia Grey. Restored and featured in three separate discs, the “Whistling” collection is ultimately a mixed bag of Skelton comedies that are all fairly flawed with some dated zingers that fall flat on numerous occasions, but when they shine, they manage to draw some genuine laughs thanks to Skelton who is sometimes too goofy to enjoy, and other times seem too funny for the material he’s handed.
Hack/Slash: My First Maniac #2 of 4
See, I understand what the purpose of this prequel is. Before now, Cassie Hack’s origin has only been told in bits and pieces here and there. We know about her mom, we know she became a slasher hunter, and we know somewhere down the road she eventually met Vlad and they paired up to fight evil.
But it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if we went back to the normal flow of the series with the normal characters. While I definitely want to know about Cassie Hack and her story, I miss the other characters. It’s tough to sit and read an issue without Vlad harping poetic about his latest kill, or the Hack/Slash team helping the duo along for the ride with pokes at the slasher genre.
Dark Blue: The Complete First Season (DVD)
I wish I could have loved “Dark Blue,” I really do, but as I’ve learned over the many many years of television addiction, finding an entertaining show about police officers working against the conventions of the law is often about as fun as watching paint dry. “Dark Blue” truly tries for grit and edge but is often much too polished to buy such a pitch. TNT has pretty much banked on creating television series that are just branches off of more successful franchises and “Dark Blue” is a mix of “The Shield” with some “CSI” for good measure. While it does make its money on being a procedural, it also manages to have an actual arc to it.
Second Coming of Eva (Porr i skandalskolan) (1974)
Mac Ahlberg’s porn comedy begins on a literal high note with a wonderful little masturbation scene featuring the insanely beautiful Teresa Svensson as Eva asleep in the buff dreaming of a man while fingering herself near orgasm. Hilarity ensues when her upright do-gooder older sister intervenes and attempts to wake her up leading to some incestuous horse play that ends with a splash. Eva’s older sister declares that in order to keep her sister from getting in to trouble, she’s shipping her off to an all girls school. I mean, nothing could wrong there right?! The fool proof plan Eva’s sister has provided essentially unravels as Eva is shipped off to a sophisticated school for moral edification (I’m quoting one of the characters) where she will straighten up and fly right.