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Blackfish (2013)

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The willful ignorance and glaring stupidity of the American public is ultimately was contributed to the fate of the poor sea life held hostage at Sea World. “Blackfish” is another instance of a major corporate entity lying boldfaced to their consumer and exploiting someone to make a profit. While it would be easy to completely blame Seaworld for being cruel and vicious captives of the Killer Whale species, its their customers and supporters own inability to distinguish between fact and fiction that contributed to the sheer cruelty and violence that has constantly plagued Seaworld since its inception. Seaworld has gone through decades of covering up the deaths of trainers that have fallen victim to the wrath of Orcas, all of whom have acted upon their natural predatory instinct. Seaworld also exploited the Orcas, convincing their paying public that these wild animals were capable of being tamed and transformed in to lovable beasts we can play with.

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Animated Spider-Man Ranked from Worst to Best

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If you’re like me, you saw the second trailer to “Captain America: Civil War” and you were very shocked and incredibly excited to see Spider-Man appear before the clashing of titans to give us a trademark quip before stealing Captain America’s shield. It’s only a three second clip, but it says a lot about what Marvel is planning to do with the character, and how it promises to be every way superior to Sony’s previous cinematic efforts. The Marvel Cinematic Universe almost feels complete. Now if someone can twist the arm of FOX with “Fantastic Four”… I digress. In either case, the welcome presence of Spidey had me thinking about his animated presence on television and how some studios have gotten him all wrong, while others have gotten him just right. Here are the animated versions of Spider-Man ranked from the absolute worst to the absolute best.

What is your ranking for your Friendly Neighborhood Wallcrawler?

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You Have to See This! Nightmare Sisters (1987)

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Watching so many independent movies over the years, you can tell when a movie was made on a limited budget, and “Nightmare Sisters” shows big time. That’s not a caveat, but it is blatantly obvious that director David DeCoteau made this film as a quick shoot in a set the studio could actually afford. That only really adds to the charm of “Nightmare Sisters,” and the enduring cult appeal of the film that teamed the horror scream queen heavyweights Linnea Quigley, Brinke Stevens, and Michelle Bauer together. It’s no shock that allegedly DeCoteau made “Nightmare Sisters” with left over film and money from “Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball Bowl O Rama.”

You could literally watch the pair as a double feature and never miss a beat as their premises are similar, as are their darkly comic tones. Nerdy Melody, Marci and Mickey spend their days wiling the time away on their goofy hobbies. Anxious to go on dates, they invite the three pledges from the local frat over for a fun night, and despite their reservations the three geeky gentlemen oblige hoping to get laid. After a boring night, antique collector Marci brings out her magic orb for a fun séance. The nerdy threesome are turned in to voracious nude sex starved vixens. Little do the three frat boys know, the girls are hungry, but it’s not for sex.

“Nightmare Sisters” doesn’t take itself seriously and approaches the entire material with a stern tongue in cheek, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t supply a darn good premise with oodles of potential for a wider scope. It would have been entertaining to see the trio of vixens walking around the local college in the buff feasting on men and seducing literally everyone in to a state of amorous paralysis. But you make due with what you can and you’re thankful to see three insanely sexy and charismatic women taking the roles so over the top, they’re never afraid to be goofy.

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Quigley, Stevens, and Bauer even play nerds well, especially when the costumes and effects falter. Quigley dons a goofy set of fate buck teeth and walks hunched over awkwardly for most of the movie, Stevens dons thick glasses and primarily relies on being utterly boring, while Bauer’s shtick is the funniest, and most Politically Incorrect. “Nightmare Sisters” relies on the classic eighties device of fat shaming, as Bauer’s character is the heavy of the trio, spending her time gorging over food. It becomes comical in its horrible effect, as Bauer simply doesn’t look overweight. It’s clear the producers merely put thick clothing on Bauer and layered them atop one another to give off the impression Bauer’s character Mickey is obese.

It becomes blatantly ridiculous when we see her “fat” body over her very thin set face. But then again “Nightmare Sisters” thrives on the eighties stereotypes and never apologizes for it. Much of the first half of the movie revolves around exposition and setting up a lot of the scenarios for the future, exploring how unpopular the girls are and their discussions on how boring Marci has a fetish for collecting mysterious antiques from every corner of the country. This comes in to play in the second half when the magic ball is introduced, allowing at least some foreshadowing rather than the character just pulling the plot device out of thin air.

It’s also good to note the comedic peeks at how dull she can be when Stevens shows up dressed as a schoolgirl. There’s a heavy emphasis on Micki eating for a great reason as when she finally becomes an insanely sexy vixen, she shoves a peeled banana down her mouth and deep throats it without even missing a beat. I’m not sure if it’s great editing or if Bauer can actually pull off the trick, but it’s a damn memorable scene, and Bauer’s sex appeal increases every second she’s on screen in her home made cave girl outfit.

It also becomes plainly obvious that the comedic focus on Quigley’s character’s tone deafness will transform in to an inevitable musical number where she can suddenly belt out a tune and look amazing doing so. As predicted, Quigley commits to a performance of the excellent rock tune “Santa Monica Blvd. Boys,” which she often sang with her band The Skirts. Quigley is a born performer, and though the song has almost nothing to do with the movie’s narrative, it’s a fun diversion.

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DeCoteau knows exactly what kind of people he’s working with, so once the women transform in to deadly vixens, there are endless moments of them scampering around and desperately trying to seduce the unsuspecting frat boys that came to their party. Things take a twist when more popular frat boys kidnap the original male guests and take their place as sexual partners. This series of events goes painfully awry, as they immediately become food for the trio of succubi.

When protagonist Kevin and their friends do everything in their power to resist the sexual allure of the trio of vixens, we meet the Exorcist, a priest played by Jim Culver who also pulls off resisting their feminine wiles and adds some comic levity to the already silly events. The women make good use of their partners by feasting on their essence through their testicles, making for some of the funnier moments of terror. Just think of being with someone like Michelle Bauer only to have her dig in to you with a mouth full of sharp teeth. “Nightmare Sisters” takes from the formula of “Sorority Babes in the Slime Ball Bowl O Rama” and offers up a new kind of wish granting in the form of succubi, and there are no better people to exemplify the ideal image and allure of succubus than Michelle Bauer, Brinke Stevens, and Linnea Quigley.

Over the years, “Nightmare Sisters” has gained a cult following thanks to its rarity, but is really a testament to low budget film making. It works on a slim narrative, low budget, and little resources, but still works as a goofy, silly, and entertaining bit of horror comedy. It also has the privilege of featuring the top scream queens of the eighties starring, offering up their prime assets for the camera and devouring unsuspecting men.

Geek Mutiny: The Search for Episode Two

We’re back! “Geek Mutiny” is back! In the return of the “Geek Mutiny” podcast, hosts Brian Pittman from Batman’s Got a Nosebleed and Felix Vasquez Jr. from Cinema Crazed discuss the controversial casting
of Iron Fist, the Ghostbusters hooplah, our expectations for the upcoming Daredevil Season Two, and how Young Justice saved Brian’s life. I, Felix Vasquez, also try my best to restrain a nasty cough.
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Enjoy the show.

Love’s Innocence Lost (2016)

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If I have one complaint about “Love’s Innocence Lost” is that I could have used at least five more minutes to catch up with the dilemma ocurring in Mike Clarke’s drama. There isn’t so much explanation as to what happened between characters Aaron and Dina, only that there were children involved, and the crime involved something where trust was severely destroyed. I wouldn’t have minded a lot more extrapolation with Paul McGowan’s script in to what was happening and even more hinting as to what went down that could prompt such a conflict of emotions between Aaron and Dina, in the end.

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Species II (1998) [Blu-Ray]

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Director Peter Medak follows up the somewhat tolerable original “Species” with a sequel that ups the ante in the narrative but doesn’t improve the story all that much. This time around Medak and co. completely abandon the idea of a genetically altered alien this time around for a much more traditional yet sexually charged alien invasion. When Commander Ross returns home from a space expedition with other astronaut explorers, the highly decorated man is revealed to have been taken over by an alien being. Said alien being is based around procreation. As Commander Ross slowly transforms in to an alien being, he begins scouring the city for sexual mates and turning them in to breeders for his army of off spring that begin populating the landscape.

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Disturbing Behavior (1998) [Blu-Ray]

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I’d be hard pressed to call “Disturbing Behavior” a stellar horror film, but as an artifact of the late nineties teen horror boom, it’s a worthwhile effort by an “X-Files” creative mind. “Disturbing Behavior” fosters a fascinatingly looney tone that works in favor of the premise, even when it strives for inadvertent camp. James Marsden plays Steve, a newcomer to Cradle Bay who has just move in with his family and little sister. Steve is instantly accepted in to the reject crowd of the school, as led unofficially by Nick Stahl’s character Gavin. Despite the strange rift between cliques in the local high school, Steve writes off the separation as simple pack mentality, but is told by Gavin that the popular crowd also known as “Blue Ribbons” are actually more sinister than they seem.

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