“Dinosaur Valley Girls” is a film I remember watching in the days of cable TV when it was a haven for bad films. Much of the nostalgia flashes back with what is a guilty pleasure that revolves around boobs and hammy acting. Tony Marco, an actor tired with the monotony of a mansion, fame, a gorgeous sex starved girlfriend, and a mistress, finds himself wanting more in life. Who could ask for anything more, eh? Well, for Tony, he desires much more, something more down-to-Earth, and natural—especially now that he’s haunted by dreams of a blonde cave woman.
Tag Archives: Adventure
Top Five Favorite Moments in 1990’s “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”
In 1990, just two days after TMNT 1990 premiered in theaters, my dad took my brother and me to see it in theaters in Manhattan one afternoon. It was just the three of us in what felt like a humongous theater, draped in the dark as the Turtles my brother and I worshipped finally jumped on to the screen after saving April O’Neil from being killed by the Foot Clan.
While I don’t particularly love the current cinematic incarnations of the TMNT, I hope there are kids out there getting the same awe inducing experience with “TMNT: Out of the Shadows” as I did when I was seven. “TMNT ‘90” still holds up very well today, with some excellent action set pieces, great humor, and so many quotable moments. Here are only five of my favorite moments in a movie filled with some banner scenes.
Epic History X-Men, Volume 3: The Dark Phoenix Saga
There’s no bigger an X-Men fan online than Comic Book Girl 19. The web personality has made her claim to fame from online personality to bonafide geek goddess by providing insightful, lucid, and very controversial opinions about comic books and pop culture in general. Among some of the biggest pop culture dynasties, Comic Book Girl 19 is one of the most passionate X-Men fans around. Like me, she hates the movies, but loves the X-Men comics and longs for a day when we can finally see them adapted properly on the big screen. “Epic History X-Men” has nothing to do with the movies, and is in fact about a certain stream of storylines and character arcs involving the X-Men.
Comic Book Girl 19 and director Tyson Wheeler have their cut off point, and end episode three of three with the “Dark Phoenix Saga.” The massive science fiction arc was penned by Chris Claremont and is one of the most complex, complicated, and unusual storylines ever put to the comics. And Bryan Singer actually is going to try to simplify it for one or two films. That aside, “Epic History X-Men” is a fantastic and very entertaining documentary where Comic Book Girl 19 and her sidekick Robot lay out the events of “The Dark Phoenix Saga” and explain the storyline’s nuances and emotional strong points as thoroughly as possible.
Though the series as a whole could just being Comic Book Girl 19 sitting in a chair and laying out every point of the storyline, she and director Tyson Wheeler switch up the monotony by adding splashes of panels from the comic books. They also animated a lot of the panels, and even add their own voice overs and great sound effects, all of which really add a flavor and excitement to an already enthusiastic host. Comic Book Girl 19 loves the X-Men, and she seems to have a ball describing every storyline, from Jean Grey returning as the Phoenix, the big rumble with the X-Men and an erotic mutant organization called the Hellfire Club, Wolverine taking down a whole army of guards single handedly, to Jean’s eventual transformation in to the dark side as the Dark Phoenix which ultimately split the team apart.
Comic Book Girl 19 even takes the time out to introduce her favorite X-Men: Dazzler. Dazzler is a light controlling mutant that Comic Book Girl 19 has fought for, defended, and consistently taken scrutiny for favoring over everyone else in the comics, but makes a darn good case for the character’s significance to the “Dark Phoenix Saga.” What’s punctuated through most of Volume 3 is that the “X-Men” isn’t just a series about young people going on adventures. It’s a long and very unique consistent epic about people with extraordinary powers from various ethnicities and nationalities fighting for humanity, and learning that they themselves are human, in the end.
Though considerably low budget, “Epic History” volumes 1-3 garners some bang up production with excellent voice work. They’re undoubtedly very exciting, entertaining, and heartfelt glimpses in to only some of the most important storylines in one of the most unique and original characters in comic book lore. Comic Book Girl 19 treats the material with great reverence and will likely leave you seeking out the books and appreciating the characters so much more. Suffice it to say I had more fun with the third chapter than I did with “X-Men: Apocalypse.”
“Epic History X-Men Volume 3: The Dark Phoenix Saga” is now available on Vimeo On Demand.
Dirty Grandpa (2016)
I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during the pitch meeting with DeNiro for “Dirty Grandpa”: “And so Efron comes to pick you up, and you’re lying there on your recliner masturbating in the nude to interracial porn! He screams in horror while you’re ejaculating, but you’re so cool about it, that you barely acknowledge the awkwardness. The kids will love it!” I appreciate that Robert DeNiro seems to be actively working against being typecast as some wise old grandpa or magical elderly sage.
The Angry Birds Movie (2016)
I’ll just openly admit that I never played “Angry Birds.” I know it was a popular game three years ago, used on cell phones that involved animated birds being hurled in to crap, and now for some reason it’s a movie. It’s a movie that’s filled with loud noises, a warbling pop soundtrack, bright colors, and still manages to bore successfully. You can argue that this is a movie for kids, so it was obvious I wouldn’t like it. But I refuse the premise of your argument and no longer accept that cheap excuse. Kids are not this stupid. The last few years have proven kids can be given complex and rich entertainment and appreciate it completely.
Five Ways to Fix “Arrow”
Well, “Arrow” season four has come and gone and let’s face it: The season finale stunk on ice. Even “The Flash” season finale, which didn’t progress our characters very much, was still so much better than “Arrow’s” finale which, from beginning to end, was a sloppy, silly, stupid, plot hole filled mess. Once upon a time, “Arrow” was the big gun in the CW action universe, but now it’s lagging behind. The goofy “Legends of Tomorrow” is assembling the mythical “Justice Society of America,” while “Supergirl” is set to join her DC super pals on the CW Network very soon.
If “Arrow” doesn’t pick up its game, it’s going to be the show that’s wading in tepid water, while the other action series’ are aiming for bigger ambitions and outside the box storytelling. Here are five ways “Arrow” can be fixed to get back to when it was an entertaining crime thriller about a vigilante seeking redemption.
Sun, Sand and Sweat 4 Movie Set [2 Blu-ray]
If you’re in the market for some summer time comedy filled with raunch, eighties madness, gratuitous nudity, and a bunch of aspiring movie stars or future movie stars like Johnny Depp, and Jamie Lee Curtis, Mill Creek has the four movie line up for your pleasure. Now on Blu-Ray, these are four of the most terrible and yet entertaining movies of the eighties for economic movie collectors.