Bazookas: The Movie (2009)

bazookas

If you loved films like “Porky’s,” or “Hot Resort,” then Michael G Leonard’s indie exploitation comedy is right up your alley. It’s as if someone took a script from 1983 and fitted it for modern times, without trimming any of what made eighties films so much damn fun. The gratuitous nudity, shameless innuendo, busty babes running around and frolicking, and the plot of the underdogs battling an evil corporation for control of a community, it all here and then some. You know where the director’s head is when the prologue of the film begins on a racquet ball match between a gym owner’s son and a gorgeous woman and ends on her topless and smashing her chest in to a glass window.

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Battle of the Year (2013)

Battle-of-the-Year

The only thing more shamelessly stupid than the utter self-congratulatory premise behind “Battle of the Year” is the god awful product placements. One thing about these stupid dance movies it that they’re a gold mine for corporations to advertise to an audience that likely can’t afford their crap. So we’re shown images of Braun in the background in the first minutes of the film, Josh Peck has a new Sony Ipad because “It’s the future,” he tells main character Josh Holloway. Then there’s an insert of him renting “Planet B-Boy” on Netflix, menu and all.

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The Bourne Legacy (2012)

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I wouldn’t say that “The Bourne Legacy” is a bad movie. As a sequel, or spin off, it works as an interesting diversion, and has a unique concept. Treadstone perhaps wasn’t the only test subject, and now we’re faced with the potential of others out there fighting for their lives when the government decides to burn the entire house down and murder their subjects. Jeremy Renner has proven to be a charismatic action hero, and “The Bourne Legacy” is altogether a fine movie, in the end. And that’s the problem. It’s just fine. The first three “Bourne” movies were incredible.

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Body Bags: Collector’s Edition (1993) [BluRay/DVD]

bodybags

What began as a concept for an anthology series was formed to become a pretty solid anthology horror film that has the advantage of director John Carpenter under its wing. Surely, it’s not the best anthology movie ever made. It’s not even in the top ten anthology horror movies ever made, but it promises a decent horror trip with three stories varying in quality and often jarring changes in tone. Director John Carpenter comes out of his shell as a decrepit and demented coroner who brings us in to his morgue to gander at the bodies in his care. Every corpse has a story to tell, and he brings us the tale of three unfortunate souls.

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Before Midnight (2013)

beforemidnight

Director Richard Linklater explores the rarely touched upon trope of the romance. What happens after “They lived happily ever after”? When the dust has settled and Jessie and Celine have built a life together, what happens when reality interferes in the romantic fantasy. Surely for two films, Jessie and Celine had a wonderful whirlwind romance, then an amazing reunion, but will Jessie’s love for his child and his obligations ultimately destroy the true love he yearned for years?

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The Butter Battle Book (1989)

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Dr. Seuss was one of the few children’s authors who did much more than rhyme brilliantly and tell stories about the Who’s at Whoville celebrating Christmas. And even then when you thought he was just telling you a story about a village celebrating Christmas, he was more commenting on the consumerism of Christmas, and how these villagers didn’t need all the materialism behind it after all. Dr. Seuss spent a good portion of his life writing and drawing political cartoons and ninety percent of the iconic characters in his stories were originally born from his political cartoons and years later when he ventured in to telling stories to kids about Cats in Hats, he was telling us much more about himself and providing a moral.

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Bounty Killer (2013) (DVD)

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The best action movie released all year, “Bounty Killer,” finally comes to DVD and Blu-Ray, as director Henry Saine delivers action fans a pulpy apocalyptic thriller worthy of a large fan base. “Bounty Killer” is set in the future where corporations are now enemy number one and have laid waste to civilization with their greed. The government has sent a slew of skilled and crafty bounty killers to hunt down and take down corporate executives daring to run away with their corporation’s profits.

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