Pervert! (2005)

pervert-05Yudis’ film is fun. More fun than it has the right to be. And I suggest “Pervert!” for fans of Troma, horror, comedy, Sam Raimi, porn, Mary Carey, Russ Meyer, big breasts, sex, women, John Waters, big breasts, hot women, big breasts, good taste, and yes, big breasts. Did I enjoy “Pervert!” only on those terms? Yes. And what’s wrong with that? “Pervert!” is a film where you shut off the big brain, and let the little brain do its magic, and I can guarantee any red blooded hetero male, and or lesbian, will utterly enjoy the romps. Not to mention the shameless flaunting of sexy as hell Mary Carey as a trophy wife, Juliette Clarke as a very hot nurse, and Sally Jean as a Cuban antagonist with a wide smile, all of whom suffer the fate of the mysterious monster roaming the desert in search of… well, you’ll discover it for yourself.

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Evil Aliens (2005)

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About five minutes into Jake West’s “Evil Aliens”, I was already sinking low into my seat wondering what I was watching. It begins as a simple horror film. Two people are having sex. And they’re abducted. The man then experiences one hell of a violent anal probe that tops off the sick fuck fest known as “Evil Aliens”, and I was having fun. Led by an utterly vivacious news reporter (Emily Booth), a group of cameramen and reporters head out into the countryside to investigate a case of abduction, and alien pregnancy they suspect is bogus, that will essentially lead to one hell of a bloody skirmish that makes up most of “Evil Aliens”.

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Final Destination 3 (2006)

Not surprisingly enough, the whole “Final Destination” franchise has become like a carnival ride, too. You get on, you sit down, and watch the magic happen, and then watch people die in the most gruesome fashions imaginable, and then you shut it off and somehow feel content with your exercise in sadism. Death once again proves to his master that he’s kind of a moron, because every film involves someone guessing his tricks as he causes a death like a game of “Mouse Trap” personally created by Rube Goldberg at his most sadistic.

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Zombie Honeymoon (2004)

A few months ago, I saw a film called “Boy Eats Girl”, about a young man who dies and comes back as a zombie. The people who love him are willing to ignore his ravenous potentially murderous behavior because they just are that committed to him. “Zombie Honeymoon” is basically along those same lines. Except, in spite of its evident camp it’s much more in the vein of a tragedy, and it works. Can you love someone who is uncontrollably murderous? Can you love someone beyond circumstances that are not in your control? Do you fight the tide, or welcome it with open arms? “Zombie Honeymoon” in spite of its ludicrous title is actually much more classy and straight-faced than its moniker would dictate to audiences; which would also attribute to the lack of interest from many I’ve come across.

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Ichi the Killer (Koroshiya 1) (2001)

imagesIf I could best sum up Miike’s film “Ichi the Killer” in only one sentence, I’d use the word: Havoc. Because Miike’s film about a sadistic mobster attempting to find a sadistic avenger is Miike’s all out masturbatory practice in sadism, torture, and sheer lunacy. If you thought the last half hour of “Audition” was utterly insane, try sitting through the entire 135 minute running time of “Ichi”. Told through many narratives almost like a darker “Pulp Fiction”, Miike’s entire film is a sheer test on his audience, a test of stomach turning, cringe-inducing sadism that he explores without pulling his punches.

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Underworld: Evolution (2006)

underworld-eIn spite of its many, many failings and flaws, I liked “Underworld”. It’s no masterpiece, it’s not even that good, yet it’s still a pretty fun movie that’s mindless without being dumb. I like to describe it as “Matrix” meets horror, meets Abercrombie and Fitch. Sadly, the lore presented in the (now) “Underworld” franchise is still skewed and poor, but it sure is pretty fun. “Underworld: Evolution” is, I’m ashamed to admit, a step up from the previous installment. And it’s much edgier than the first film with more blood, and gore, and some very sexually suggestive material.

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Masters of Horror: Haeckel's Tale

So we have the season finale, finally. Excuse the inadvertent pun. With a season of highs and lows, good and bad, and hits and misses, “Masters of Horror” season one comes to an end. With a period piece concerning death and the living dead. Sure, to some it may seem like yet another retread, and in many respects it was, but as a standalone, I really liked this episode, and because it involves zombies, and has the great Gregory Nicotero, you know you’re about to see some wicked zombie make-up effects. Haeckel is a young doctor who seeks to discover the mysteries of the necromancers, their necromancing, and the voodoo that they do so he can use it for his current scientific project of re-animating dead corpses, but he finds he’s gone too deep when he is taken in by a couple one night and discovers the wife holds a mystery.

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