Tag Archives: Horror

The Abandoned (2006)

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This is a film from the After Dark Horror Fest that is considered by many to be one out of the pack. It’s a film that managed to grow apart from the horror festival and that seemed like a good thing. Is “The Abandoned” as great as I’d heard? I had to find out. Nacho Cerdà’s supernatural thriller reminded me very much of “Silent Hill,” except Cerdà doesn’t solely rely on visuals to keep the audience watching. What’s behind “The Abandoned,” is a morbid and utterly unnerving tale about murder, torture, and our fear of being alone in the world.

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Lake Placid 2 (2007)

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lp2The original film, “Lake Placid” was possibly one of the crappiest killer animal flicks I’ve ever seen. And I was anxious to see it when it was released. The woefully under-appreciated Bill Pullman was alright, as was Bridget Fonda, but through it all was a horrible script, a cheesy plot, and a simplistic story that bordered on absurd. Nah, we didn’t need a sequel. I know you were about to ask that, right? Does necessity come into play when money comes to mind? Never, you stupid fool. “Lake Placid 2” has one thing going for it. Cloris Leachman, and then you wonder how the hell they wrangled her into this. This woman is a comedy legend, what the hell did they do to grab her? A bribe perhaps? Blackmail? A blood oath made with Satan? Poor Cloris Leachman.

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Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)

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behind-the-maskHe’s a skilled serial killer, a slasher along the lines of Jason, and, oh yeah, he’s a self-promoting sensationalist who wants to become a famous slasher of all things teen. Leslie Vernon lives in a world filled with monsters. He lives in a world where Jason, Freddy, and even Michael Myers wreak havoc on innocent victims and young teenagers. And what does Leslie Vernon want? He wants to be like them. And he’ll go through any lengths to live up to their legacies. And wouldn’t you know it? Director Scott Glosserman is about eighty percent of the way there.

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Altered (2006)

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These days many people just do not enjoy “The Blair Witch,” and that’s a shame. I still love the movie, and I still think it’s a frightening simplistic horror film about curiosity killing the cat. But in a day and age where gore is on the menu, it’s not hard to fathom why it’d be disliked. “Altered” is an admirable if flawed follow-up from the “Blair Witch” boys that is much different in every sense. Gore and guts are present, as well as a fairly simplistic alien carnage story. Ah, the joys of being a horror fanatic. “Altered” is a good old fashioned horror film, and one that relies on the conventions of typical claustrophobic horror fare to get us through.

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Maniac (1980)

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Zq27gzC“Maniac” is a different kind of slasher film, one so incredibly vile and utterly wretched that you’ll be forced to decide if you enjoyed this or not. I experienced the same conflict of decision. Did I enjoy this or not? I’m not entirely sure, but a good part of me says “yes.” At a time when the Son of Sam was still fresh on everyone’s minds, “Maniac” is the closest depiction of a madman on the streets that we’ll ever get again. We don’t just watch this madman destroy folks, we learn about him, and we get into his mind.

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Grindhouse (2007)

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grindhouse-2007Let’s face it fair readers, I was born in the wrong era. While I’m living in the time of cell phones and reality television, I should be living in the time of grind houses, and porno theaters. While I’m in a time of Kelly Clarkson, I should be in a time of Donna Summer. Simply put, I wish I was born during another time. But, you have to admit, Tarantino and Rodriguez got what they wanted. They wanted to create the grind house experience, and that’s exactly what I received. A double feature, scratchy film, and an empty theater. It’s me and my family, and about four other people, and no one got the joke. Continue reading →

Kaw (2007)

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7129359.3[1]The film “Kaw” is a remake of “The Birds” before the actual remake of “The Birds” arrives to shit on us from above in theaters. I love monster movies with funny names, don’t you? There’s “SuperCroc,” and there’s “Sssssssss!” and then there’s “Kaw.” The title of this feature just isn’t the problem of Wilson’s film, because that’s just my good old humor. In spite of Wilson’s evident wisdom of pacing and tension, the birds here just don’t frighten me as much as I assumed they would. What’s the point of having Ravens if you’re not going to exploit their penchant for being creepifying? Otherwise, just bring on a humming bird and call it “Kaw.”

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