The Boondock Saints (1999)

Boondock-Saints-Main-Review

Watching “The Boondock Saints” is something of an experience, and one that I’m actively working on forgetting as soon as humanly possible. Director Troy Duffy’s action trashapalooza is much too mind-numblingly moronic to be taken as an earnest effort for indie action cinema, and much too stern to be considered camp garbage. You can clearly sense director and writer Troy Duffy working actively to portray every single character in this film as something to be taken with a straight face and a shiver, but in the end none of it works out for the better.

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Graphic Sexual Horror (2009): Special Edition (DVD)

In spite of what you may think of Brent, the founder of insex.com, the infamous bondage and torture website featuring gorgeous models being bound gagged and drowned, the man was prophetic in his use as the internet to engage users in anonymous guiltless sexual interaction that paved the way for reality shows, thousands of voyeur and fetish websites, and also helped streamline the concept of live feeds as we know it. “Graphic Sexual Horror” is a documentary that’s almost impossible to sit through. While I am someone who is fascinated with the darkest of sexual taboos, founder of insex.com, Brent, is an unabashed lover of S&M, Torture, and bondage, and takes great pride in depicting small filmed sequences involving women being tortured in some of the most horrific ways possible.

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Eyes Beyond (2010)

30317For what it’s worth, Reininghaus is a very competent director with visual flourishes and grim depictions of torture that were both very unsettling and impossible to sit through. I found myself having to pause the film through most of the sequences as the cast just charges head first in to the horror that ensues with screaming and a vicious strangulation and raping. As for the cast, they’re very good with folks like Danielle Barker and Robert Nolan pulling in strong performances and convincing reactions to what should be a utterly horrifying little situation.

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Spring Break Massacre (2008)

SBM031110I’m not sure what the point of watching a horror movie is if we know everyone dies beforehand. Writers Hoffman and Jones take the unfortunate road of meeting us at the end with Reggie Bannister’s sheriff protagonist at the crime scene of said Spring Break Massacre explaining how every character dies. Meanwhile the story is told in completely disjointed formats and confusing shots that really left me in the dust. Why is this so high concept if it purports to be a slasher throwback? Why exactly is it called Spring Break Massacre if the majority of the story occurs during a slumber party?

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Paris by Night of the Living Dead (2009)

Paris-by-Night-of-the-Living-Dead-MovieI’m honestly still not sure what to even make of this short zombie film even hours after seeing it. It’s ridiculous, ultimately pointless, and just loud, but… it’s also creepy, brilliantly directed, and the zombie effects are some of the best I’ve seen in a while. “Paris by Night of the Living Dead” is a pretty straight forward zombie short film that doesn’t pretend it’s anything other than an excuse to show zombies being massacred, mutilated and blown up in about as much excessive ways as humanly possible. It’s just fast paced and insanely absurd, but I couldn’t stop watching it.

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Amateur Porn Star Killer 3: The Final Chapter (2009)

In what I can assume is the final film in the “Amateur Pornstar Killer” film series, Shane Ryan commits fully to the “Final Chapter” in which our villainous voyeur Brandon returns yet again to wreak havoc and pure sexual violence on a poor young girl. Rather than lure her in like the first film, or gain her trust as a friend in the second, he’s just taken her hostage. Seemingly out of options this time around, Brandon and his camera have kidnapped a horrified young woman and brings her to a deserted landscape where he proceeds to pretty much sexually abuse and rape the crying woman as she can do nothing but cry and endure his punishment. As far as Ryan’s film series has gone, this is his most disturbing film to date and I seriously had a difficult time sitting through this. As is the case with Ryan’s other films, there are some utterly pointless sequences here including the first ten minutes which cuts from Brandon’s torture of his first victim, while oddly cutting to establishing shots of a city and Halloween decorations.

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The Raven (2010)

ravenWhat with Hollywood running out of ideas and turning literally anything in to a movie including novelty toys we’ve long forgotten about (ahem–Magic 8 Ball), the studios are doing what we’ve been telling them to do for years now: they’re seeking out independent filmmakers for ideas. So now what with the surge of independent filmmakers retreating to Youtube to post their ambitious projects for free viewing, studios are snatching up these properties in hopes of coming up with the next big blockbuster. I mean… it turned out pretty well for “Paranormal Activity” and “District 9,” didn’t it?

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