Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders (2011)

Posted on July 5, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

To be honest, I’m not even sure how to approach this film in any critical sense. The movie opens with character Angie emerging from a pool and narrating the movie. But–is she a narrator? Or a host? Is this supposed to spoof reality show, or is this an actual story? Director Jim Wynorski (as Sam Pepperman) can never really seem to care at all, so he basically just throws whatever sticks to the wall, and distracts us for seventy five minutes with soft core scenes of busty women being drilled, and busty women having sex with other busty women.

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Puppet Master 4 (1993)

Posted on July 5, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

There’s apparently a puppet hell. Or at least a dimension where puppet like creatures exist. And Toulon stole their elixir that grants them life. I would love to have found out what the elixir exactly is. Is it a potion? Is it the secret to immortality? Or is it the blood from the creatures that reside within this dimension? Also, do the monsters from “Mystery Monsters” come from that realm as well? It’d have been cool to link both pictures together as one universe.

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World War Z (2013)

Posted on July 4, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

We live in an age of pop culture, where today’s horror fan didn’t so much cut their teeth on horror movies, as they did horror video games. Where older horror fans were exposed to “Dead Alive” or “Cemetery Man,” young horror fans spent their days in the world of “Left for Dead” and “Dead Island.” It’s an age where horror environments are fast moving, stories are simplistic and unchallenging, and monsters are now computer animated polygonal blobs running at us from all corners.

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Independence Day (1996)

Posted on July 4, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Roland Emmerich’s “Independence Day” is one quarter of a very decent albeit cliche alien invasion film, and three quarters an unwatchable adventure film. What opens with looming shadows and hovering space ships devolves in to a buddy comedy with catchy one-liners and plot twists much too convenient to buy. Even for a science fiction film about huge alien space ships. Apparently the government can see asteroids coming from miles away and predict when one will pass, but they can’t see space ships the size of two continents enter the atmosphere.

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The Lone Ranger (2003)

Posted on July 3, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Back in 2003, Warner had the bright idea to pretty much take the “Smallville” concept and apply it to the Lone Ranger. Rather than featuring a very young superhero, we were given a very young pulp hero. Except, they changed everything about the original hero. And tried their best to pass off a white cowboy hat and black mask as cool for modern audiences. There’s even a guitar version of the William Tell Overture in the closing credits. Guitars are cool, right? There’s a reason why Lone Ranger is a pulp character. He’s a wonderful superhero, but adjusted to contemporary style is not going to work.

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Bambi (1942)

Posted on July 3, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Narrative wise, there isn’t much to “Bambi” and its story that garners a lot of subtext or undertones. Bambi is born, he learns about the world, his mom dies, he becomes a man, falls in love, and the end. For the rest of the world “Bambi” is a bonafide masterpiece, but objectively it’s a very stripped down and basic animated movie that feels so much more like an animation experiment than it does a movie.

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The Lion King (1994)

Posted on July 3, 2013 by Felix Vasquez

Whether Disney did or didn’t plagiarize Osamu Tezuka’s “Kimba the White Lion,” we’ll never truly know. What I do know for certain is that “The Lion King” is still one of the best cinematic experiences I’ve ever had, and my number two animated film of all time. It’s a bold mixture of 2D animation, and amazing CGI that combines to tell a rather adult and complex tale about revenge and destiny.

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