You know what? “Ninja Cheerleaders” is trash but it’s trash you can admire. It’s a mixture of “3 Ninjas” with some “Bikini Carwash” for good measure, a veritable knock off of TMNT where director David Presley replaces teenage ninja turtles for teenage ninja cheerleaders. Starring three gorgeous and often cute young women, “Ninja Cheerleaders” tries for nothing more than pushing the limit upon with our actresses are willing to go. So while there is innuendo, there’s never any sex, and the women here are never sure if they want to be feminist icons or trashy slutty molds for what the movie begs. The plot is nothing you haven’t seen a thousand times before.
The PC Thug: Grinding Better Than the Pros
For a long time I’ve boasted that if you want to see what’s happening in the neo-grindhouse movement, the best thing you can do is go look for the independent filmmakers and see what they’re up to. Because whether it’s “The Hood Has Eyez,” or “Foxxy Madonna vs. The Black Death,” the odds are it’s better than the entirety of “Grindhouse.” Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed “Grindhouse,” I did. I thought it had a lot of creativity to it but felt more like a throwback than an attempt to mimic the actual grindhouse motif. Because even the most ardent grindhouse fans will tell you that the best grindhouse films have a lot going for them: One is that they’re usually comprised of zero budgets, and two, they’re often tedious. “Thriller: A Cruel Picture” is one of my favorite cult films of all time, but mid-way it lags with gratuitous sex scenes with Christina Lindberg, and her ultimate plot for revenge.
Sucker Punch (2011)
You have to appreciate Zack Snyder’s ambition for at least trying to tell a story. The man has proven himself in many regard, and with “Sucker Punch” he tries his best to deliver crowd pleasing entertainment that won’t polarize his fan base. The problem is, he never lets us in on the fact that deep down “Sucker Punch” is just a teenage melodrama disguised as a genre film. Sure it’s a journey of the self, and the mission of a group of young women to take on robots and monsters, but they’re all just metaphors.
What If They Lived? Hollywood's Lost Stars and the Futures They Never Had (Paperback)
“What if they Lived?” is written with such an impression of profundity and grace that it’s hard to imagine it being anything other then such an eloquent piece of speculative non-fiction. “What if They Lived?” is a lengthy tome of work that could have very well been exploitative nonsense as if drummed by the hackiest writers South of TMZ, but with two genuine movie lovers at the helm, “What if they Lived?” results in a four hundred page oath to the rising talent and quickly destroyed stars that were taken from us much too soon. From Jean Harlow, to James Dean, right down to Brandon and Bruce Lee, “What if they Lived?” speaks with experts and historians and examines a life had these talented thespians and ingénues been given just a little more time to shine on and explore their career options rather than fade away in to a sad and often tragic demise.
One of the chapters I skipped to immediately was Brandon Lee a man capable of hitting all of the high notes his father Bruce Lee once did, and while the one real caveat within this chapter is not exactly pin pointing all of the roles he had impending (including a role in “Mortal Kombat” and an inevitable running for a key role in “The Matrix”), we’re able to see much of what he had optioned and what he was capable of.
Driller: A Sexual Thriller (1984)
Oh boy I knew I was in for something special when I received “Driller” in the mail with the address barely completed and the return address basically missing. The very fact X Rated Alley received this beauty of a horror porno called Driller is one thing, but to deliver it in mysterious packaging is the icing on the cake. I had an idea of what I getting in to upon looking at the deluxe packaging for Mr. Creepo’s “Driller” from 1984, a veritable porno spoof (and carefully constructed one at that so as to prevent legal issues) of Michael Jackson’s iconic Thriller. For those unaware (and how could you not be?), Thriller was a cultural sensation of the eighties and continues to be the go to for the template for epic music videos to this day. The plot basically boils down to a thirty minute movie that doubles as an amazing music video with a catchy song. A young couple in a movie theater walk home one night and find themselves in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and must fight their way out. Cue one of the most amazing musical numbers of all time, a shockingly incredible dance number involving drooling groaning zombies, and compelling narration from Vincent Price.
Scream 2 (1997)
With “Scream 2” you can pretty much sense Craven and writer Williamson struggling to create a sense of atmosphere that they did with the original. And the movie series that claims to dodge the slasher clichés while also mocking them, eventually became so clustered with attempts to bring audiences a new experience they pretty much relied on clichés and a formula they streamlined in the original. We have someone offed in the beginning, we introduce the old cast, we get to meet a new cast of characters, someone is killing the cast members, Sydney has to find out who or whom is doing the killings, a load of red herrings are thrown at the audience, there’s the obligatory thought that perhaps one of the original three cast members are behind it, and then there is the grand stand off in the climax where we’re given a bunch of “gotchas!” Officers and all authorities are also immensely useless.
Obsolescence (2011)
I really wish I could have enjoyed Jacob Bilinski’s short film about reality shifting and perceptions of romance in the end, but with the run time and premise often foggy both in its intent and ability to deliver its hook, “Obsolescence” often feels instead like a practice in monologue reading than it does an actual short film. From minute one I found myself fairly unimpressed by the line reading that occurs as “Obsolescence” is much more focused on the hook that leads in to the final confrontations than it does actually telling its story about a romance that may or may not have been pre-orchestrated to fit a goal for its characters to focus on.