It’s difficult to create an original and exciting murder mystery these days, especially since there have been so many murder mysteries that have promised an explosion and really just ended up a dud. Sadly, “H” is really no different. While it’s not a horrible piece of filmmaking, it’s sadly just standard. Mismatched pair of officers, both with their own sordid pasts, an elusive killer, a genius serial killer taunting the officers, gruesome murders alluding to abortion, body part and blood splattered clues left behind, red herrings, plot twists, and barely any exposition, all for a surprise ending. I’ve seen it all before, and “H” never rises to the occasion to challenge that formula and create its own niche upon which to break free from, so it remains a typical cop drama with a great ending.
Tag Archives: H
Herbie Fully Loaded (2005)
After a montage of earlier “Herbie” films, we continue with the “extreme” semi-remake quasi-sequel to “Herbie The Love Bug” called “Herbie: Fully Loaded”. Do people still race with Buggies? Who cares, but you just know Lindsay Lohan must have owed something to Disney to have to do this film. It’s not like Lohan’s “career” has been all about quality films, mind you, but this film has “Contract fulfillment” written all over it. Granted, it’s not one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, not even one of the worst I’ve seen in a while, but it’s pretty damn lame, even for a kids film.
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Director Garth Jennings mimics Ivan Reitman’s style, and sick humor down to every particular inch, and until I read up on this film, I’d convinced myself Reitman directed this. For a film that starts off with a musical number involving fleeing Dolphins singing “So long and thanks for all the fish!”, it’s obvious you’re going to get something new. I thought the dolphins would be CGI and animated, but having the song play while stock footage of Dolphins run on a loop is further proof of that not taking itself too seriously hypotheses. And its hard to hate something that sports a cast like John Malkovich, Sam Rockwell, Mos Def, Zooey Deschanel, and Alan Rickman, it’s hard to go wrong, and I had fun.
The Hills Have Eyes (2006)
When news broke out Craven was producing a remake (yes, another fucking remake) to his classic “The Hills Have Eyes” I groaned. I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of the original film that’s still branded a classic. I saw it twice and it just didn’t resonate with me. The cannibals looked like cavemen/WWE wrestlers, the acting was horrible, the plot dragged, and I just wasn’t satisfied. While I can and do appreciate its importance in horror (hence the collective groan after the remake news) I just didn’t care for it. I was weary of this remake since about 95 percent of modern horror remakes are terrible (i.e. House of Wax, TCM), but two words instantly turned me in to someone really anxious to watch this. Alexandre Aja.
Harry Potter and the The Goblet of Fire (2005)
Closer then comes the formation of Harry Potter as the wizard, or sorcerer he’s bound to become one day, and closer do we watch the character progress if only slightly to not only accomplishing the art of magic, but also coming closer to his dark side. The question remains is, will he reach his dark side before he masters magic? That’s many of the questions posed during this fourth installment of the Potter series. I didn’t read the book, honestly, and personally I don’t aspire to. “Harry Potter” has always been an overblown facet in modern pop culture to me, especially after reading the bland first book, so I prefer to review the films to their own merit. Bias’ aside, I was interested in seeing the fourth installment especially since Alfonso Cuaron did such a good job with the previous film.
The Halfway House (2004)
Eddie: Who’s my sweet baby bitch?
Cherry Pie: I am.
Eddie: That’s right.
In the mood for a lesbian horror thriller? Well, who isn’t? And “The Halfway House” will surely cure what ails you. It’s a movie that is so awful, it’s actually quite entertaining, and “The Halfway House” rises to occasion in terms of garbage, but throughout the entire run time, I did enjoy some of it. About thirty percent of it, which would account for the generous rating. It’s cheesy and exploitative, but it’s also pretty fun, especially when the “screenwriter” rips lines from other films (in the climax, the heroine spouts “Smile, you son of a bitch” before killing the monster).
A History of Violence (2005)
I’m not–a fan of Cronenberg. Yes, I admit it, and no I will not turn in my lifetime membership card, I am a film buff through and through, bitch. As the saying goes, “those who don’t remember the past, are doomed to relive it”. The question is, can we ever leave behind a violent past, or are we doomed to relive it? And does violence in any form ever go away? I was not expecting anything in particular with this film, but I was expecting a bad film. Surprisingly though, this is not a bad film. In fact it’s a great film, and at many times an excellent examination of violence as a concept and as an everyday aspect of our lives. Cronenberg’s direction is on the mark. If you’re expecting an action thriller with gunfights, and fist fights, and sex, well–there’s some of that, but it’s rare, honestly. What you will get though is a thorough, engrossing, and tight explanation on violence, and the cyclical nature of it.