So this is how far Ben Stiller has come in his years. He went from rather ingenious comedy in his old FOX show now starring in remakes of romance comedies that try to break free from the doldrums with over the top sex comedy, and utterly flat improv with his father who plays (surprise, surprise!) a wacky outspoken senior citizen. And trying to break from the conventions, he also pretty much dives head first in to them with endless montages set to forgettable pop rock, and there’s even a prat fall with a bad stunt double that the Farrelly brothers rely on when everything Stiller does fails to draw even the slightest of chuckles.
Tag Archives: Remake
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
At this time horror fans are so beaten down to a messy shit stain that they really don’t have the strength to complain about remakes of their beloved horror classics anymore. Because whether we like it or not, Platinum Dunes and other horrific money grubbing companies will rehash our favorite titles and nothing is off limits. That preface aside, Neo-Nightmare sets down on basically the same premise except with ten times less the flavor and creativity of Wes Craven’s admittedly dated original. I never liked Platinum Dunes to begin with but “A Nightmare on Elm Street” ends as such a blatant spit in the face of horror fans everywhere it practically begins with a disclaimer reading, “We don’t give a shit about quality, but hey at least we have your money, suckers!” And they fell for it hook line and sinker.
Mirrors (2008)
I don’t know what exactly was going on with the production in Alexandre Aja’s remake of the 2003 Asian horror film “Geoul sokeuro,” but as it stands, this remake is probably one of the most inadvertently comical horror films of the last five years. The marketing campaign for this film promised one of the most insane genre outings we’ve ever seen, and I knew I was in trouble when I began to chuckle at Kiefer Sutherland screeching at the sight of his deformed doppleganger in his bathroom window. Everything about “Mirrors” has the potential to turn in to a bonafide horror masterpiece, and instead we’re given nothing but fake scares, clunky dialogue, and writing that is just atrocious.
John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982)
John Carpenter is a son of a bitch. Why? Well, in this climate of modern movie making, remakes are all the rage. It’s the go to source for marketing on a well known product to ensure a quick profit at the box office for general audiences who just want to go to the movies to see a well known story. And when people try to argue against this craze, those who are in favor of remakes always win the argument by muttering four words: John Carpenter’s The Thing. The declaration of these four words automatically shuts everyone up and renders any debate against remakes completely void and irrelevant. What makes this movie so unique that it defeats any arguments against remakes?
Cinema Crazed's Worst 10 of 2009
10. Pontypool
I’m one of those people who very much looked forward to “Pontypool,” and am not ashamed to admit that I was utterly disappointed with this production. It was dull as day old bread, lacked in sheer suspense and tension and sadly didn’t quite creep me out as much as its double “Dead Air” did. Not quite a zombie movie, people like to brand it as such and there aren’t even many zombies that pop up. What we get in the end is a practice in a cinematic dry humping that promises frights and never actually delivers. Seek out “Dead Air” for a nearly identical premise that works much better.
H2: Halloween II (2009)
In Rob Zombie’s first bastardization of the Halloween franchise, we’re told that Michael is so intent on going home that he’s willing to do anything to get there and is perfectly willing to remain unresponsive to psychological help. We’re also told that he’s completely emotionless and cold to just about everyone. And yet here we are with “Halloween II” where we get to see how cute and affectionate he is with his mother. This is further proof that Zombie just doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing ninety percent of the time. How can we ever expect to see a good movie from this man again if the story he’s telling is inconsistent? Seeming to have no other option these days, Zombie continues chucking rotten eggs our way from the contrived “Halloween II” (I refuse to call it H2) right down to the awful animated mess that was “El Superbeasto.”
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
I’ve either pretty much come to terms with the fact that Hollywood will remake anything, even the heavyweights of the film world. Or maybe I’m just too numb (and am coming down with Stockholm Syndrome) to care about treasured movies being given botched remakes. I should be angry, but I’m not. I came to terms with Hollywood’s xerox machine a long time ago. I instead have chosen to take modern remakes and look at them as their own entities, a copy that doesn’t necessarily have to stick to the original source material to be good. How do you remake a nearly seventy year old movie and stick in modern times? It can’t be too easy, and if you’ve seen this remake you’ll realize that most times it’s nearly impossible.