Tag Archives: Romance

Bloodrayne (2006)

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Look at those… sharp swords…?

Crushing every bit of potential for a great movie under the weight of his own abysmal vision, “Bloodrayne” is yet another video game adaptation that fails to deliver to its audience. “Bloodrayne” doesn’t attempt to appease the intelligent movie-goers, yet Boll aims for the young teenagers and utter dimwits by transforming his adaptation from a horror fantasy about a female heroine in to pure exploitation. Prepare for a ton of blatant nudity and sex that has no relevance to the narrative, or any real point, for that matter. Bloodrayne is yet another leather-clad fetishized Goth whose character emphases is based on her line “I have no family, I am an orphan.”

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The Mask (1994)

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the-mask-1994Based on the ultra-violent underground comic book of the same name, “The Mask” is a perfect vehicle for Jim Carrey at the peak of his career. In 1994, star Jim Carrey was capable of being in anything he wanted, and “The Mask” propelled him in to the image of an actor who could transform in to a living cartoon. “The Mask” is not at all faithful to the source material, aiming more toward the PG crowd, while dropping enough adult overtones to appeal to a broader audience. Much in the way Looney Tunes and MGM cartoon shorts once did. Carrey plays Stanley Ipkiss, a normal banker who lives alone with his dog Milo and disappears in to his love for classic cartoons on his spare time. After a bad night at a local night club, he finds a mysterious mask floating in the ocean and takes it home.

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Night of the Living Deb (2016)

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notldebEver since “Shaun of the Dead,” many filmmakers have been intent on delivering their own horror comedies about self obsessed thirty somethings thrust in to the zombie apocalypse. Kyle Rankin’s “Night of the Living Deb” is not a masterpiece by any definition of the word, but it ends up being a decent diversion that has a good time using zombies as a means of emphasizing the dynamic between our main characters. Set on the fourth of July, awkward Deb awakens in the apartment of her love interest Ryan. Though she’s in love with him, Ryan isn’t entirely interested in her and is anxious to get her out of his life as soon as possible. Little do either of the pair know that overnight their small town of Maine has been consumed by a zombie apocalypse and everyone they known are now flesh eating zombies.

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The Conjuring 2 (2016) [Blu-Ray/Digital]

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conjuring2After the blundering misfire that was “Annabelle” I was a bit scared that “The Conjuring 2” would be a bland follow up to what was one of the best contemporary horror films ever made. Thankfully James Wan not only outdoes himself, but builds on the mythology of Ed and Lorraine Warren. “The Conjuring 2” follows the tradition of the original film, putting the Warrens in to an impossible situation where they have to do battle with a powerful evil. What’s more is that the evil has chosen to pick away at a vulnerable lower class family once again, prompting the Warrens to risk everything for the sake of one victim’s soul.

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My Stepmother is an Alien (1988)

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mystepmotherisanalienRichard Benjamin’s movie is one without an audience. It’s too adult for kids, and too childish for the adult crowds. It tries very hard to pass itself off as a latter day “Splash” with aliens in place of mermaids, but the problem is Dan Akroyd was never really Tom Hanks, and the writers push the child element on the film so much, “My Stepmother is an Alien” ceases to become an out of this world romance comedy. It’s instead more about accepting your parents have to move on, with the central character being a very young Alyson Hanigan rather than, oh, the adults. Kim Basinger plays an alien named Celeste, from a seemingly big planet of hot aliens who comes to Earth to study an unnatural occurrence on her planet.

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The Haunted Mansion (2003)

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hauntedmansionIt is a shame that “The Haunted Mansion” has the Eddie Murphy taint all over it. I think there’s a good movie to be made about “The Haunted Mansion” and it doesn’t involve the same old Eddie Murphy tropes we’ve seen in the past fifteen years. Eddie Murphy is once again a dopey work a day man who babbles to himself, and is so self involved he can’t notice his family is right in front of him. It’s the same goofy plot points that count as conflict in Eddie Murphy movies these days. Murphy is one note yet again as workaholic dad Jim Evers, a dopey real estate agent impossibly married to a beautiful woman who is, as always, put upon and ever patient toward his priorities of choosing work over family. When Jim’s wife Sara is called to an old mansion to oversee the property, Jim tags along hoping to garner a sale.

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High Noon (1952): Olive Signature [Blu-Ray]

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highnoonFred Zinnemann’s classic Western is an absolute masterpiece that continues to hold its place as my favorite Western of all time. It’s a marvel of cinema, and a wonderful dramatic thriller set in the old West and ponders on the question of what happens when the helpers need help. It’s also a stunning albeit cynical glimpse at the ultimate summary of a hero and how they can sometimes be cast aside by those that they’ve protected for so many years. Gary Cooper’s role as Will Kane is absolutely pitch perfect, especially when it pertains to his role as a man desperately seeking help in staring down imminent death and settling score that will meet him at the end of his day, no matter what he does.

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