Blood Widow (2014)

Posted on October 20, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

What’s interesting about “Blood Widow” is that first time director Jeremiah Buckhalt really is on to something with the character of Blood Widow. She’s a beautifully designed and vicious slasher villain with an incredible blood lust. The mask she dons is spooky, and she really looks like she can take anyone on, be it a damsel in distress, or a four hundred pound trucker. It’s just a shame that she’s given almost nothing to do in her first slasher outing. Jeremiah Buckhalt’s movie clocks in at eighty minutes, and most of that time is spent on a group of characters that aren’t very interesting or smart.

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Big Driver (2014)

Posted on October 20, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

I’m personally a fan of revenge thrillers, and am quite surprised to see Stephen King of all people concoct a rape revenge thriller. Out of the sub-genre, they’re the most notorious of the sub-sub-genres. “Big Driver” is an often toothless and ridiculous rape revenge thriller about a writer who may possibly be going mad after being viciously and repeatedly raped in a road side gas station by a hulking driver. He’s known as “Big Driver,” and is a very menacing and horrific villain. That is until the narrative unfolds and then he becomes a cartoon. It’s not enough that he may possibly be a trucker that had an impulse to rape and victimize a gorgeous woman on an abandoned road.

And it’s not enough that perhaps he has snared his share of victims in the past. No, King has to keep piling on absurd twists and turns with our villain Big Driver, while pretending to say something about writers. Truly, the writers’ psyche can be a maddening and unusual place, but for Tess Thorne, she’s a woman who’s been victimized one too many times and has an odd selection of friends. She has her characters from her book series about knitting elderly women solving crimes, her GPS named Tom (the only trustworthy man in her life), a cat named Fritz, and a neighbor who may or may not be romantically involved with Thorne.

Nothing is ever really confirmed for the audience, as every element of the plot is thrown up in to the air and never really resolved. At one point it’s suggested the stylish revenge plot is all in Tess’s mind but it’s never confirmed. Then we’re told that her confrontation with Big Driver was planned. “That’s a little far fetched,” Tess thinks aloud. But lo and behold, it’s not too far fetched the primary narrative itself. And by god King goes all the way, with a dramatic confrontation, and an abrupt final scene that may or may not be one big imaginary sequence in Tess’ slowly unraveling mind. What is the horrendous life Tess had? Why does Tess come across another victimized woman? What insight does this moment lend her exactly?

Is Tom the imagining of an ex-boyfriend or just a creation of Tess’s to compensate for her lack of romance? If Tess really is so closed off to everyone, why does she live in such an open suburban neighborhood? And what of the loose ends like Tess taking a limo home after being raped? No one really reported her injuries? I’m not sure if “Big Driver” is supposed to be a meta-thriller about a writer who enacts revenge through means that seem almost too good to be realistic, and the almost ridiculous sequence of events are intentionally silly, but “Big Driver” is too haphazardly written and sloppily directed to really answer that for the audience. In the end, it’s a terrible thriller with more head scratching questions than answers.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

Posted on October 13, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

Yes, it’s not the vision that Joss Whedon had originally planned, but you know what? “Buffy” was just too ahead of its time and eventually found its place with the cult favorite series. But that’s not to say that the original 1992 movie isn’t any fun, either. Taken as a stand alone horror comedy, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” actually manages to be a creepy, twisted, and very funny take on the vampire slayer mold, teaming an ass kicking valley girl against vampires. And Kristy Swanson is a better Buffy than Sarah Michelle Gellar. Teeming with 90’s paraphernalia, “Buffy” is dated, but definitely one of the better attempts at mixing vampires with comedy.

Surely enough it’s also a good gateway drug for anyone that wants to delve in to the horror genre without bathing in unnecessary gore, and heavy sexual themes. This variation of “Buffy” is “Clueless” meets “Lost Boys,” with Kristy Swanson playing the titular Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Cursed with visions and dreams of a past life involving a young girl seduced and eventually murdered by a vampire, Buffy slowly realizes her world is changing around her. Especially considering that the pains she’s experiencing are being accompanied by her sudden heightened strength, agility, endurance, and advanced senses. Buffy just wants to be a normal shallow valley girl whose world revolves around school dances and boys, but she eventually meets Merrick.

As played by Donald Sutherland, he proclaims she is one in a long line of vampire slayers, and is destined to guide her in her battle against the forces of darkness and the supernatural by acting as her “watcher.” Meanwhile, the immortal vampire Lothos has risen and begins feasting on local high schoolers, while Buffy realizes she has to train and eventually face off against the dreaded vampire master and his minions. “Buffy” has its share of problems, especially considering the fact that the entire grand plot of Lothos seems hellbent on eating Buffy and nothing more. All the while the face off and eventual death of the villainous vampire is abrupt and unsatisfying. I was also never sure how anyone would explain the vampires, but director Fran Rubel Kuzui approaches the material with absurdity so it’s a footnote that’s glossed over.

In either case, “Buffy” still entertains greatly, thanks to its hilarious script and slew of top notch performances. Luke Perry is fun as Buffy’s ally Oliver, while Kristy Swanson kills it as the sexy, smart alecky, and tough as nails Buffy. There’s also Donald Sutherland who is fun as Merrick, while Paul Ruebens is laugh out loud hilarious as Lothos’ second in command vampire Amilyn. He plays the role like Evil from “Fright Night” if he ever grew in to the role of blood sucker. While it’s been noted much of the dialogue is improvised, Reubens has fun the role, while also playing the resident punching bag. I still cackle at many of the one-liners, as well as Amilyn’s refusal to die after being staked. I also really find the martial arts throwdown between Buffy and the vampire minions in the fog pretty damn sleek. “Buffy” serves more as a fun guilty pleasure, but one that chooses to embrace the absurdity and run with it, as opposed to Whedon’s series that embraced the irony and wit.

Bunks (2013)

Posted on October 4, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

Mix “Meatballs” with “Return of the Living Dead” and you have “Bunks,” a horror comedy that should not be so entertaining. For a movie that’s rated PG and is primarily for kids, “Bunks” is shockingly exciting and often creepy, but that’s how far the zombie sub-genre has embedded itself in to pop culture. We now have PG horror comedies with brain eating zombies. What’s even more surprising is that director Tibor Takács is able to get away with a lot here, including some mild violence and a lot suggested intense violence.

After Dylan and Dane manage to fool their rivals Sanjay and Delory in to attending boot camp, the pair of brothers takes their identities and play counselors for the summer at Camp Bushwhacked. While exploring an old cabin, the brothers and fellow campers find a mysterious book filled with scary stories. Little do they know that “Bushwhacked” is cursed and has instilled a no scary stories policy. Unaware, they tell the legend of a group of campers that fall victim to a scientist testing his zombie serum, trapping Anson Minor in the lab forever. Telling the story unleashes Anson once again to roam the woods feeding on the brains of local campers. As the zombie plague begins once again, Dylan and Dane have to figure out how to end his reign of terror.

When a rival camper discovers Anson in his lab, he breaks the collar that can control his urges, thus unleashing a zombie apocalypse. “Bunks” is a surprisingly creepy and tense movie that relies on slapstick comedy and interesting twists on the zombie formula to entertain the audience. Not only does the impending zombie apocalypse release a furor of chaos, but the campers have to work together to figure out a serum to end the zombie plague, and tame Anson. Tibor Takács pulls off balancing kid friendly comedy with zombie horror well, implementing some really atmospheric zombie attacks, along with a lot of laugh out loud fodder.

From the motorized ball machine attack, to the camp counselor that refuses to admit her boyfriend Crawl is a zombie due to his status as head counselor, “Bunks” uses the camp setting to its advantage and never slows down. The performances all around are top notch, including Aidan Shipley who is hilarious as the slacker Dane. Tom Keenan is also great as Anson, the “Bub” of the film who is good natured enough, but deadly when his collar malfunctions. Tibor Takács’s “Bunks” works well and gels together as a fine amalgam of sub-genres and classic summer camp fun for the PG crowds. For potential horror buffs, “Bunks” is a worthwhile introduction to zombie cinema.

The Battery (2012) [Blu-ray]

Posted on September 15, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

After a zombie apocalypse has overtaken most of the country including New England, former baseball players Ben and Mickey have found themselves stuck together. They’re too frightened to be alone, and yet don’t like one another enough to stay together. Thus they form an uneasy pact with one another, roaming the more desolate landscape of New England looking for food, shelter, and new means to keep themselves from going absolutely stir crazy. With the rising population of the dead, and the lack of human contact, it’s becoming a task that’s increasingly difficult to conquer day by day.

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Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014) [Blu-Ray/DVD/Digital]

Posted on August 7, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

It’s about time we return to the basics with Batman and “Assault on Arkham” gets down to the nitty gritty. Batman is a bad ass lone wolf not chasing after a snot nosed brat, his villains are vicious thugs, and the Joker is terrifying. “Assault on Arkham” is an admirably rough and tumble action film focusing on the baddies of the Batman universe, and less on the dark knight. There’s just something about the Suicide Squad I’ve always liked. I enjoyed “Assault on Arkham” mainly because of its sleek and simple storytelling and ode to “The Dirty Dozen.” It also focuses on the demented somewhat perverse nature of Batman’s rogues, all of whom have to work together or die under a clandestine government.

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Bring It On (2000)

Posted on July 1, 2014 by Felix Vasquez

You wouldn’t think a movie about cheerleaders and a rivalry between teams would be any good, but “Bring It On” manages to be lightning in a bottle that has yet to be topped by its terrible sequels. Not that cheerleading isn’t interesting, but “Bring It On” is such an entertaining and funny sports film, it sets the standard for movies about cheerleaders that has yet to be equaled or rivaled in quality. Director Peyton Reed’s film is a mix of comedy, drama, and light commentary on race and class warfare.

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