Tag Archives: Monsters

Heavy Metal 2000 (2000)

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Boobs! Big Boobs! Big beautiful breasteses! Now that that’s out of my system, “Heavy Metal 2000” is primarily a sequel to pay tribute to the walking Amazonian that is Julie Strain. While it is adapted from a “Heavy Metal” novel like its superior animated entry, this is a film very much of its decade that is hell bent on convincing you that Julie Strain is a goddess. Not that it takes much convincing, mind you, but Strain succeeds in pull off a heroine who is very sexy but also tough as nails, and doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty; especially when her equally sexy sister is taken hostage.

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The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987) [Blu-Ray]

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If there is one big flaw that keeps “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” from being either really bad or really good, is that it’s never quite sure what to make of itself. The tonal imbalance and wildly inconsistent mood keeps the movie bipolar and surreal. It’s too gross for kids, and too tame for adults, so it’s right in the middle of nowhere. “The Garbage Pail Kids Movie” is based on the wildly popular series of stickers that were direct spoofs of the popular eighties franchise The Cabbage Patch Kids. The series of stickers presented buyers with their own disgusting, offensive, and grotesque versions of Cabbage Patch characters, and for many years they were a staple for folks that appreciated humor with a bad taste.

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Puppet Master 4: When Bad Puppets Turn Good (1993) [Blu-ray]

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As we saw from the chronological mythology that unfolded in the first half of the “Puppet Master” series, the puppets owned by Toulon were once kind and heroic. The puppets were the products of a man kind at heart, whose own lust for vengeance and hatred for the Nazis turned him evil. And in effect, he transformed his puppets in to evil beings that did his bidding. Toulon was once a nice man, and evil transformed him in to the villain we eventually met in “Puppet Master 2.” The third film, which is my favorite by far, features the origin of the puppets and how they were just beings living and doing their own thing until they found an inherent purpose in snuffing out the ugliness in humanity.

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Gary Larson’s Tales from the Far Side (1994)

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Enjoying “Tales from the Far Side” is based on whether or not you enjoy Gary Larsen’s original comic strip. I’d go so far as to say that the original comic strip was never this dark or surreal. I definitely wouldn’t call the animated special from Gary Larson funny, but it definitely succeeds in irony and some very morbid animated pieces. Rather than a fluid narrative, “Tales from the Far Side” shifts from scenario to scenario, all of which are interconnected by some circumstance.

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Celebrating Neil Marshall’s “The Descent”

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I don’t consider it a far off notion to call Neil Marshall this generation’s John Carpenter. The man has delivered his own twisted and original visions of various genres that have ended in some of the most riveting movie experiences I’ve ever had. I first discovered Marshall with “Dog Soldiers,” which successfully combines the werewolf sub-genre with a war movie, resulting in a quite obvious homage to “Assault on Precinct 13.” I’m also a humongous fan of his post apocalyptic tale “Doomsday,” which is his loving ode to the post apocalypse sub-genre and zeroing in on a heroine that’s basically Snake Plissken, even missing one eye, to boot.

Marshall at his best is a raw and relentlessly brilliant filmmaker who can muster up some unique emotions and arouse hot debates among the horror and science fiction community. Marshall’s masterpiece is his odd form of “The Thing,” in where he casts a predominantly female cast, all of whom are confined to one location, forced to fight off delirium, and mistrust, and becoming victim to their landscape, which is harrowing and dangerous no matter where one turns.

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Tickle (2014)

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Corey Norman’s “Tickle” watches a lot like an episode of “Tales from the Darkside.” It seeps with eighties aesthetic, unfolds like a classic campfire tale, and has a great novelty about it that will go over well with horror fans. It’s also a hell of a good Halloween yarn that I expect will really click with fans of the holiday.

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The Flintstones Meet Rockula and Frankenstone (1979)

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I fondly remember renting “Meet Rockula and Frankenstone” quite often from our local videos store when I was a kid, and thankfully the movie genuinely holds up. Like all great comedy series, the Flintstones have had their share of crossovers, and this time they have the misfortune of meeting Dracula and Frankenstone. Or their stone age counterparts, as it were. While it’s not raucously funny as when Abbot and Costello met them, it’s a darn good short movie with the Flintstones doing what they do best.

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