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“Star Struck” TV Pilot

StarStruck1979You know what would make a great half hour family sitcom? Taking the Cantina scene from “Star Wars” and extending it, said no one ever. Recently unearthed on the web after years in virtual obscurity, “Starstruck” is the clear cut result of the massive popularity of “Star Wars,” revealing how a studio attempted to market on the fame with a very low budget sitcom format. Chronicling the adventures of the McCallister family, we follow their long lineage through the opening credits and watch as their descendants are now exercising good old fashioned capitalism in the galaxy.

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You Have to See This! Roller Boogie (1979)

It’s really charming how much confidence UA Pictures seems to place on the fad of roller disco. I’m assuming what with the implentation of the disco scene for John Badham’s “Saturday Night Fever,” I guess someone naturally assumed UA Pictures could market on that success by featuring a coming of age drama in the same vein but with roller disco. The problem with “Roller Boogie,” though is that while it aspires for bigger things, the film falls squarely in the middle of mediocrity. “Roller Boogie” is not a bad film, nor is it a terribly cheesy one like “Breakin’.” It’s merely a depiction of a dance fad that didn’t have a real staying power, and the gimmick isn’t used to tell a very compeling tale when all is said and done.

Not even Mark Lester could breathe a sense of life or energy behind his film, as it suffers from too much plot and a narrative that’s much too formulaic for a film with the pretense of originality. That’s a shame since Linda Blair is a very solid actress who can pull off the girl next door protagonist whenever she really wants to. Considering the film is more for teens, Blair never really sheds her clothing, but that doesn’t stop her from running around in tight tank tops, hot pants, and short skirts. Blair’s own sex appeal drowns out anything else the movie tries to push in terms of character or sub-plot, and she only comes out ahead slightly above everyone else. Blair is Terry, a young privileged teenager who is on her way to college.

rollerboogie1She is a gifted classical musician whose posh parents have gotten her in to an upscale college but, woe is her, she wants to be a roller disco dancer. Apparently there’s a massive population of roller disco dancers in California and on the boardwalk. They travel in packs and perform tricks for tourists while riding to their every day jobs, and Terry wants anxiously to be a part of it all. Bobby James is a fast talking hustler who is also the best roller disco dancer of them all and Terry hires him to teach her all of the best dance moves and skills.

Meanwhile, Terry wants to garner her affection and become her boyfriend while teaching her how to master dance moves on roller skates. The writers also feature a sub-plot involving Bobby’s group of friends which never has a major impact on the overall resolution of the film.

rollerboogie2The main crux of the movie is that the roller disco club Jammers is being strong armed out of business by local thugs, and the owner of the club has decided to retire. The roller disco crew want to keep it opened, though, and decide to band together to help the owner. Because disco is forever, baby! Most of the film is centered around the relationship between Terry and Bobby, and how Terry is so not your normal rich girl. She loves him, then hates him, then loves him, and then loves him more because he wants her for her body and not her money.

“Roller Boogie” wouldn’t be so bad if it managed to dig up an interesting storyline and wasn’t so concerned with being more of a safe drama comedy, with dancers suddenly banding together to save their favorite hang out and battling evil land owners. It’s such a dull premise considering there could have been so much more developed around a fascinating form of dance. Look at “Roll Bounce,” a movie about roller disco that happens to be pretty fun since it draws an interesting conflict and channels the vibe of the seventies so much better.

rollerboogie3Here it’s less about the dancing and more about Terry rebelling against her upper crest wealth family. Which contradicts the tone as a whole since Lester spends a lot of time with montages of the roller disco dancers doing what they do best. For a film a little under two hours, if director Lester didn’t spend so much time filming various dancers flipping and rolling around the film would be much more compact and easier to endure. Lester has a clear idea of how to spotlight the unique dance form, but the writers have absolutely nothing to do with it. Terry wants to rebel, then she falls for her trainer, then she teams up with the other dancers to save her favorite club and there’s a very rushed climactic dance competition. Of course Terry and Bobby win the contest easily, since the lack of minorities in this movie is more frightenin than “Hell Night,” but that’s a whole other topic altogether. If anything, at least “Roller Boogie” sports a neat disco soundtrack, including a prominent playing of “Boogie Wonderland.”

rollerboogie4Plus there’s Lester’s nigh endless footage of dancers rolling around and flipping begins to feel like a documentary, screeching any attempt at momentum with the narrative to a grinding halt. With director Mark L. Lester directing, and Blair starring, you assume we’d have an instant classic on our hands, but “Roller Boogie” isn’t anything remotely special. It’s so plainly bland and forgettable, I’d just about forgotten everything I’d seen when the credits rolled. The movie is barely at the level of “Xanadu” concerning cheese and kitsch value, which doesn’t bode well for star Blair who likely hoped this would skyrocket her as a bonafide leading lady for more youth oriented films.

It’s too bad, too, considering Blair is a solid actress with a girl next door appeal that makes her worth watching in other kinds of films that aren’t horror oriented. And let’s face it, the only reason to watch “Roller Boogie” is because of Blair who looks insanely sexy during her performance and is pretty much off the charts in hotness.

Mark L. Lester’s goofy attempt to market on the Roller Disco craze is a very non-threatening and silly movie whose main crime is being so utterly forgettable. It’s not one of the worst movies ever made, but it also never achieves heights of cult infamy like “Xanadu” and “Staying Alive.” It’s just a brutally mediocre and middling sport drama comedy that you’ll forget about, even in spite of the incredibly vivacious Lindar Blair starring.

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Holidays (2016)

holidaysThe folks behind “Holidays” try to cover all the bases of the resurgence of the horror anthology film. They tackle the holiday horror film, try to create original and unique horror segments out of rarely touched upon holidays around the world, and they also organize it with a faux arthouse gloss that became popularized in “ABCs of Death.” While “ABCs of Death” and its sequel were misfires of the anthology horror film at least they were amusing misfires.

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Dark (2016)

dark2016I don’t know if I’d recommend Nick Basile’s “Dark,” since its marketing makes it seem like a thriller when in reality it’s actually something of a drama. I went in to “Dark” fully expecting something along the lines of “Repulsion,” but in the end this is more about the sadness of mental illness and the stifling alienation of New York City. “Dark,” produced by Joe Dante, isn’t a badly made movie, mind you. The direction by Basile is great, the performances are top notch, and I love the idea of the premise involving a thriller set during the great black out of 2003. It’s just the delivery falters mid-way and the narrative seems to ride on fumes by the time the second half rolls around.

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Unbalanced Love (2016)

ULClocking in at three and a half minutes (five with bloopers included), director Sydney Hord’s “Unbalanced Love” is a tight and very good short horror film that oozes potential. Granted, I would have loved twenty more minutes for exposition, but considering the context of the film’s production, “Unbalanced Love” unfolds the premise and narrative very well.

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Aliens (1986)

aliensSequels should always strive to be better than the original while paying homage to the film that came before it. James Cameron does a bang up job with a film that, in another reality, would have failed big time. Cameron takes what was a slow burn and gradually unraveling horror science fiction film about a woman battling a phallic alien and transforms it in to a brutally and entertaining action horror film. While some of the more ardent fans of “Alien” might have been thrown off by the change in tone, James Cameron embraces the action genre for a brand new generation, offering an extension of Ridley Scott’s film that compliments what came before.

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The Walking Dead: Alien

twdalien1This is the story of Jeff, a visitor to Barcelona Spain. Furthering my idea that there are endless stories to be told in Robert Kirkman’s universe, Brian K. Vaughan takes on a one shot about the story of a tourist named Jeff and how he fared in the zombie apocalypse. Jeff is not the solid and heroic kind of man, and unlike his family, Jeff is one with a Peter Pan complex seeking a future of his own. Though many have theorized that the zombie apocalypse was unleashed in the US, Vaughan explores how it ravaged Europe just like it did in the South.

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