Blank Check (1994)

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The early to mid-nineties were filled with movies that really wanted some of that sweet “Home Alone” cash, thus many movie studios pumped out their own versions. You could almost call these rip offs but they were given enough of a twist to where they felt original. “Blank Check” only had about a movie’s worth of story to it, but it tried very hard for the “Home Alone” audience, and really was just a mediocre to abysmal kids film that barely made a ripple upon its release. It’s yet another film about a child that drops in to an extraordinary situation and runs afoul hard nosed criminals that eventually confront him and are put through punishment through his own series of gags, quick thinking, and devices.

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Ri¢hie Ri¢h (1994)

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I’d say the reason why Harvey Comics’ adaptation of “Casper” is so great, while the adaptation of “Richie Rich” (or “Ri¢hie Ri¢h”) is so terrible is simple. We can relate to a poor child that lost his life and now lingers as a ghost looking for love. We can’t relate to an obscenely rich child whose life is only difficult because he can’t make friends. “Richie Rich” has always been a one note character filled with really boring jokes, and I’m not too surprised the movie is so terrible and unfunny when all is said and done. It’s not even very appealing to kids. Sure, you can make the argument that it’s every kids fantasy to be rich, but I think “Blank Check” covered that fantasy. Not well, mind you, but it covered it wholesale.

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The PC Thug: What the Return of “Heroes” Means to Me

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“Heroes” definitely wasn’t worth the hype, and I say that as someone who invested a lot of time in the show. I loved it from minute one, and eventually dropped it like a bad habit mid-season two. I do that to most shows I watch on TV, but rarely with a show centered on people with super powers and mired in comic book mythos.

I sat through four seasons of “Smallville,” three seasons of “Lois & Clark,” I watched the whole of “Mantis,” “Night Man,” “Mutant X,” “My Secret Identity,” “Swamp Thing,” and most of “The Cape.” As for “Alphas”? It had a great concept and that’s about it. I’ve been very forgiving when it comes to series about super powered people and superheroes. So don’t lecture me on being loyal.

<!–more–>But even with its convoluted writing, badly serialized story arcs, and lack of ideas after season one, it’s STILL waves better than “Smallville” ever hoped to be. It had a better pedigree of actors, a much better cast, excellent production qualities, was much more ambitious, and garnered infinitely more epic potential.

“Oh Felix, you’re just hating on “Smallville” because it lasted ten seasons and Heroes was just a fad.”

The WB flat out admitted in their CW re-launch that they only left Smallville on the line up because they had nothing else to air. The first month of the new CW they barely had enough programs to fill up four days of programming! And it was on for a decade because by CW standards, it did well in the ratings!

Sorry, I’m going off topic, here. Where was I?

In either case, “Heroes” was the better of the pair, despite being just a lot of nothing. “Heroes” presented this idea that there was so much substance and dimensions, and it offered nothing in the end. “Save the Cheerleader, Save the World”? It meant nothing. The season finale? Nothing. Just fucking disappointing. I collected magazines, and read theories online for the series, I avoided spoilers like the flu, and I centered every Monday Night around it. And then on the season two premiere, I felt a deflated sense of enthusiasm, and I was so crushed at how they greeted fans who’d returned.

Granted, the show introduced me to gorgeous women like Brea Grant and Hayden Panetierre, so I can’t really fault it for that. And Sylar is still an amazing villain with great potential. He was just in the wrong series. These days with NBC seemingly having absolutely nothing on their plate, it’s not a surprise “Heroes” is coming back.

Marvel and DC are at war to churn out movies and TV shows from their properties, and NBC couldn’t even sell audiences on seeing shows from past sitcom icons like Michael J. Fox, so it only stands to reason they’d go back to “Heroes,” and try to give Marvel and DC a run for their money. The truth is “Heroes” still has potential, it just has to demonstrate a lot of back pedaling to be taken seriously once again.

You can pay tribute without being completely derivative, don’t crowd the screen with characters, don’t build up to something huge only to offer absolutely nothing, and every single season should have a new cast. Period. I don’t care how popular they are, completely wipe the slate clean and focus on new character affected by the eclipse that turned people in to beings of immense power. Hey, it works for “American Horror Story”! And the cast of “The Walking Dead” season one is almost completely different from the cast of season four.

Don’t be afraid to kill people off, don’t be afraid to really deliver on the ideas after a lot of build up, don’t build up to nothing. Catchphrases are neato, but how about offering a conclusion to said gimmick like “Save the Cheerleader, Save the World”? And don’t promise an epic battle only to show two guys punching one another and end it abruptly with our hero exploding in the sky. That was so fucking disappointing. Introduce one villain, one fluid story, dodge the stupid time travel nonsense, and run with it. NBC is insistent the new “Heroes” will be a mini-series, but I’m sure there’s an option in there somewhere to bring it back as a series once again.

You can make the argument the writer’s strike gave the show a disadvantage somewhat, but the series was doomed before the strike. That said, based on NBC’s latest fantasy series “Revolution” and their complete mishandling of that epic series, I’ll likely skip “Heroes: Reborn.” Unless there’s a really good argument for trying it out, or if the trailer for it is really good. Or if Brea Grant comes over and asks me to the premiere. Either way, I’ll consider it. Probably.

Diabolique Magazine No. 19 (Jan/Feb 2014) [Magazine]

Diabolique is back with issue 19 of their truly entertaining horror magazine that makes great strides in breaking out of the doldrums of mainstream horror in favor of indie and underground. Max Weinstein ushers in the issue with another really insightful editorial and profiles many modern and contemporary masters of horror cinema. “The Old, The New, and the In Between” is a great look at the modern works of Dario Argento and Vincenzo Natali, two cinematic juggernauts that offered fans their own unique genre entries in 2013. Argento, of course gave us “Dracula,” while Natali released the very good “Haunter.” I don’t know if I’m a fan of the directors bemoaning the new generation of horror, but I do enjoy the consideration that there are some great auteurs out there, working to deliver some great genre titles, like Jason Eisener, or Ti West.

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5 Things We Love, and 5 Things We Hate About “Space Jam”

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I am very surprised that “Space Jam” continues to garner such a cult following, even to this day. I remember watching it for the first time back in 1996 and leaving it thinking “That kind of sucked.” Even years later, I remember it as a movie that did nothing but pander to audiences, push massive merchandise, and worked as a PR tool for Michael Jordan who’d garnered some poor fan fare after his foray in to baseball. “Space Jam” is not that good a movie.

Even in my current love for nineties nostalgia, you’d have to argue very hard for me to buy the movie on DVD or Blu-Ray. And I almost bought a bag of old pogs on online, a few days ago. In either case, Warner is hoping to cash in on fans of the first movie by creating a sequel tentatively titled “Space Jam 2.” This installment will apparently star Lebron James, in place of Michael Jordan.

1996’s “Space Jam” was a goofy movie, with a paper thin plot, and lackluster comedy obviously constructed by a committee of corporate suits, Jordan’s PR team, and some writers who built the perfect publicity machine for Air Jordan, all the while selling off some Looney Tunes crap with McDonald’s.

That said, we have our fond nostalgia for the movie, however minuscule, so here are 5 Things We Love, and 5 Things We Hate About “Space Jam.”

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Alien Arsenal (1999)

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Once again David DeCouteau and Charles Band re-invent “Laserblast” for a new audience. The wretched original is once again re-conditioned in to a teen friendly adventure in the vein of “Power Rangers,” and it’s an apparent attempt to market on the audience. The movie is silly and often makes no sense, but I do tend to miss the old days when Full Moon and Charles Band attempted to appeal to children and teenagers. Ralph and cute Tomboy Baxter are nerds in their school, both of whom spend their time riffing on science fiction and being picked on for reasons I have tough time fathoming. Truth be told, they don’t stand out really.

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Sparks (2013)

For me, “Sparks” was an easy sell. I’m someone who loves serials, and classic pulp heroes that used their fists and fell for dames while fighting crime. Though “Sparks” is obviously an indie production, it garners the spirit of classic pulp heroes through and through. From a murder mystery, hard boiled cops, masked heroes, and the like, “Sparks” is an entertaining throwback to pulp heroes that, while flawed, is still worth a watch. If only for the great cast. Directors Todd Burrows and Christopher Folino leave no stone unturned in their ode to classic forties comic books, even featuring characters that smoke like it’s going out of style.

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