Gods of Egypt (2016)

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Alex Proyas’ latest genre effort has come under a lot of fire mainly for reasons of whitewashing, but after viewing “Gods of Egypt,” it’s no more a white washed endeavor than Harryhausen’s “Clash of the Titans,” or “Ben Hur.” When taken at face value and appreciated as a fantastic take on the mythology, “Gods of Egypt” is an entertaining and engrossing experience, and one I would have had a good time with during a quick Sunday matinee. Proyas constructs an interesting world and I wanted to see how the events would ultimately unfold in what becomes an unlikely buddy action film centered on a God and a mortal finding their own revenge against another God seeking immortality.

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Lego Star Wars: Droid Tales (DVD)

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Ever since Disney bought “Star Wars,” the company has been working over time to put back the credibility in the series. Lego always has a knack for delivering some of the wittiest and most entertaining animated series, but they have a great time with “Star Wars.” Not only do they pinpoint the inherent wackiness of the universe, but they have a ball taking the piss out of the awful prequels. Set immediately after the climax of “Return of the Jedi,” C3P0 and R2 are asked by their friends to regale them with tales of the clone wars and fall of the Jedi. With C3P0’s memory conveniently in hand thanks to R2, they begin telling them the oh so inconsistent tales of how Anakin descended in to the dark side. Hilarity ensues.

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Refuge (2016)

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Andrew Robertson’s post apocalyptic drama is quite the accomplishment. it’s almost like a zombie film without the zombies, focusing primarily on the threat of mankind and how ugly we can be when the resources run low. Robertson’s film presents a villain in every person that the family we center on meets, and how vile people can be when they’re hungry and dehydrated. “Refuge” is set directly after a pandemic involving a plague that is untreatable with any known antibiotics. After most of the population is wiped out, the rest of mankind is left foraging for food and trying to maintain some sense of humanity.

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Zombie Fight Club (2014) [Blu-ray]

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While I’d say “Zombie Fight Club” is not the worst zombie movie ever made, it’s definitely up there in the top five. Joe Chien’s zombie, comedy, action… horror movie (?) is so painfully written and poorly directed, it watches like an amateur production from a failed film student. The script watches like it was put together in five minutes with a bunch of concepts that never ever mix together in to a coherent or remotely entertaining movie. Explaining the premise would be like listening to a child with ADD talk as if they’re trying to cram a whole hour’s worth of nonsense in to two minutes. There’s Singapore, and a high rise where a gang of drug abusers are living. The leader of the gang gets a bag of bath salts; said bath salts mysteriously turn the users in to flesh eating zombies.

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Extinction (2015)

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Miguel Ángel Vivas’s is essentially “I Am Legend” with two men and a little lady, fighting off the elements with TV quality special effects and so so direction. And in the end we’re left with a mediocre apocalypse film that at least tries for something unique and different. The opening is kind of a riff on “28 Days Later,” and there are some take aways from “The Walking Dead,” but I have to give it to writers Alberto Marini and Miguel Ángel Vivas side stepping the same old zombie apocalypse doldrums. Even if the prologue does involve that same zombie carnage we’ve seen a thousand times over.

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Beach Babes From Beyond (1993)

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“Whoa! You’re beach babes from beyond.”
“You bet your ass, man.”

I’m a big fan of David DeCoteau’s early work with Charles Band and Full Moon, but with “Beach Babes from Beyond,” I might have finally found something of his I really dislike. It’s a nineties softcore skin flick (from Band’s softcore label Torchlight Entertainment) that feels like an eighties science fiction comedy. And when I say that it’s softcore, I mean soft. The sex scenes don’t really look like two people have sex so much as they resemble two naked people trying to climb over one another to get in to bed. Not that it matters, since there are only about three sex scenes and they’re not the highlight of the movie, mysteriously.

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Total Recall (2012)

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Colin Farrell is back again as an odd choice for action hero playing “Average Joe” Douglas Quaid. He is a factory worker who helps produce police bots for his world that has been divided in to two separate factions. The remaining world that has survived chemical war fare are living on various levels, all controlled by the government. Douglas’ world remains a stink hole lower class existence until he arrives at Rekall, anxious to install artificial memories in to his brain for the sake of amusement. Upon implanting a fantasy in his mind, Quaid learns he is really a super spy, and now Chancellor Cohaagen who is slowly rising to power, is after him. Along with him and his army of robotic police, there’s Doug’s smoking hot wife Lori, who is revealed to be a skilled assassin who is driven to kill Douglas at all costs.

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